Moving forward either professionally or mentally has been always linked to being supported for me. There are so many subtleties: from the very first step of generating your ideas, through modifying them, turning them to life. It’s always risky to lose your path, confidence, and energy of the restless mind. What should you focus on?
To begin with, ask yourself these quesions:
Is there someone who motivates me to move forward, who makes me excited and full of energy to work and create?
Am I in touch with them?
Hopefully, your answer to the second question is positive. Otherwise, you are probably depending on yourself or your family with the support, demanding the things they or you can’t necessarily give you. You need support from people who have experienced a similar journey you’re going through.
There is a saying “You are an average of the five people you spend most time with”. Our community influences our mood, thoughts, energy, and actions greatly. The more sustainable relationships you are surrounded with, the more fulfilled you feel. You will be more powerful when are you around the people who help you grow and share your values and thoughts.
Not always have I been actively surrounding myself with people who would be the “perfect” five to help me be the best version of self. Now, having found my folks, I would like to share with you 2 main tips on defining your bunch of people:
In order to build a new relationship system, you need to review the existing one. Think of the people you are currently connected with. How do they influence you? If you feel drained, or demotivated – that is an explicit sign of these relationships not serving you well. These are the key points I find helpful:
* Get the power. Don’t underestimate talking through the issues with a person you’re in toxic relationships with. You have the power to change it. If talking is not effective, try to transform the format of your interaction with them. For instance, choose activities that will make your meetings less tense, or direct discussion topics by preparing pleasant or at least neutral topics beforehand.
* Minimize interaction. You can start reducing the time you spend with the person or communicate in a way that you don’t have to engage on a daily basis. We often think it’s easier said than done but I want to remind you: you need to be in charge of your life and well-being. In the vast majority of cases we do have the power to affect the situation. If you feel resistance reading these lines, explore: is your situation REALLY one of the few without a better alternative, or are you too comfortable in your discomfort to change it?
* Stop the toxic relationships. Yes, telling someone that you need a break from communication with them can be painful, but this is the moment when your freedom and confidence boost. Simply because you finally did something to feel better. You did it for your well-being.
* Respect. Telling another person you need a space in your relationships might be a shock for them, which may cause a flow of negative reactions, but you should accept that this is natural. After all, you are the one who has been preparing yourself for a break. The person in front of you is just the one trying to protect themselves from a situation they did not expect.
Surround yourself with your bunch
Look for your five people and you will embody the best of their qualities. Seek the ways to interact with them more often / on a deeper level.
* Search for them in groups: they can be based on interests, profession, life goals – anything you are passionate about. Note, these groups don’t have to be paid.
* When you find “your” person, ask them! That’s the moment when something new begins. You don’t lose anything by asking how you could interact with them more. If you get a “no” – remember, this is not about you personally.
* Be grateful for people being honest with you and respectful of your time and energy by not letting your expectations be too high. And look at these people as walking examples of setting their boundaries and protecting them.
* Be frank: if you get a “yes”, estimate wisely how much time you can devote to your new connection and what precisely you are able to work on with them.
Now that you read this, I hope you feel in control of your own life. Keep in mind that you are the responsible one and you are the strong one. You affect your life and are able to sail in any direction which you think is serving you. And if you need help, I am here to guide you.
With all my love and care,