Not all relationships are meant to be forever. But as easy as it may sound, when we are in a relationship, it’s hard to see when it is going wrong.
Probably the most important part of being in a relationship is to understand marks and points that differentiate a healthy and an unhealthy one. Inspired by an interview with Sara Duchovnay on my weekly Live show last week, today I’d like to give you 3 indicators that can help you to do an assessment of your own relationships and define their trajectory.
Checkpoint #1. Mutual respect.
A healthy relationship means that you have respect for the other person and the other person has respect for you. Valuing your partner, listening to their needs and desires, treating them with dignity should be the key points when trying to build a long-lasting partnership. It can be difficult to detect if there is enough respect in what you have with your loved one right now. You can sit down alone or with a partner and ask yourself questions: Do you listen to each other while fighting? Do you make compromises? Do you forgive each other and always understand when the fight is over? It can seem that fighting is one of the pathological sides of a relationship when in reality it is a relevant and important part of building an understanding between two people.
Respect in a romantic relationship also means that each of you acknowledges that you have valid opinions and can have different needs, and that those needs are equally significant and valued.
Checkpoint #2. You do not co-exist
As a society, we often romanticise the idea of being forever and ever together, being one – even if that means staying in an abusive relationship. It gets to the point when a person in a relationship loses their own identity and tries to match with their partner on each and every level. This is usually a gradual process which happens in small increments that are hard to notice when you are in the midst of it. And there is nothing stupid in getting there – we stay in unhealthy relationship out of love and caring, not due to lack of intellect. It is important to understand that there is no shame in it.
If you don’t know how to spend time alone by yourself or just without your partner, it’s not a good sign. People in a healthy relationship value and respect another person enough to give each other a room to breath. It means that when you need space or time apart, you get it (and give it). Knowing yours and your partner’s boundaries can help you to grow as individuals.
Checkpoint #3. Trust and honesty.
One of the most comedy-like situations is when one tries to hire a private detective to find out all the truth about their partner. No matter how funny it can look like in the media, in real life, that kind of accusations and lack of honesty and trust can only hurt your relationships. We need to accept that being in a relationship makes us vulnerable and that other person can break our heart. Only by accepting the possibility of the fatal situation, we can start focusing on positive aspects of the connection with a loved one and let other people be vulnerable around us, so they don’t have to lie.
Knowing signs of unhealthy relationships is important to our well-being. In case you find yourself in a not right partnership, it’s important to remember to move in your own comfortable pace, create a safe breakup plan and know the line between working towards strengthening an existing relationship and leaving one.
Have you ever been in an unhealthy relationship? How did you get out of one?
With all my love and care,